Archive for the ‘love’ Category

My “Unromantic” Husband

By Tim on 1st December, 2010 | Comments Off

Some women have this picture of a romantic guy in their heads. For them being romantic means having to receive the most beautiful of bouquets, the most branded and expensive chocolates, the most sparkling and biggest cuts of diamonds and the most touching and tear-jerking letters from their men. But not for me.

My husband is not the flowers, chocolates, jewelries and letters type of guy. I haven’t even experienced dinner with candlelight with him or have been brought to some place really special. In fact, he was so nervous when he proposed to me that he has forgotten everything that he wanted to say and just gave me the velvet box with the ring in it without so much as saying a word aside from “O” translated in English, “here.” He maybe very predictable and doesn’t know the meaning of the word “surprise” but who said anything about him not being romantic? Every night my husband lets me sleep on my side of the bed snuggling me with my back at him even if he’s not really at ease with it. Let’s face it, each and every one of us has “the certain side of the bed” thingy and if we don’t get to sleep on our side, we may never get any shut-eye at all. But he doesn’t mind. All he cares about is for me to be comfortable enough that I’ll drift off to the Land of Nod in a matter of minutes. Come morning he’ll fix me up a sumptuous breakfast with a hot cup of chocolate on the side. My favorite is “basilog”, bacon, sinangag (fried rice) and itlog (egg). Then if I’m still asleep when I should be having breakfast already, he’ll wake me up by planting kisses all over my face and would bear hug me until I’m so wide awake already. After eating together, he would not even let me wash the dishes instead he would prod me to go back to the room and do whatever it is that I feel like doing. You see, I miscarried a couple of months ago that’s why I became an instant homebody. Losing our child brought so much depression to me that most of the time I would just sulk inside the room and refuse to see or speak to anyone else. I love writing and reading a whole lot but when I was still working I never get to do any of it. My work is pressure filled, stressful and very time consuming that’s why I usually don’t have time to do anything else. And for two straight months now my husband has been nothing but very supportive of whatever it is that would make me happy. I know that our lost broke him too but he just put on a brave face so I could get strength from him. I was always crying and feeling guilty and though he doesn’t always know the right words to say, he stayed with me. Most of the times he just held me in his arms without saying anything but I knew that it was breaking his heart too. Every now and then while I’m writing or reading, he would enter the room to check on me. And whenever my confidence level dwindles down, he’s there to boost it up by making me feel good about myself again. And sometimes he just opens up the door just wide enough to take a quick peek at me or if he’s not too busy, he’ll give me butterfly kisses, locks me in his arms and tells me how much he’s proud of me and leaves the room thereafter to go back to his work. He’s handling our family’s hardware business and he’s got a little office just outside our house. That’s why most of the time, he’s in the house pushing important papers or doing some of the packing himself. And when he does go out to assist on product deliveries, he sees to it that he’ll have something when he gets back home. Nothing big or extravagant, just little things that would make me smile. Mostly food or DVDs of movies that I would like to watch, oftentimes horror flicks. Even if he’s not into these kinds of movies, he exerts an effort to like it for me. He never forgets to remember my favorite flavors of ice cream which is Coffee Crumble and cake which is Coffee Crunch. I love anything that has coffee in it but mind you I’m not really much of a coffee drinker. When we went out just recently he bought me two new pairs of jeans because the old ones do not fit very well anymore. I gained some weight when I was still pregnant and it’s still quite a struggle for me to shed off all of it. There are times that I would cook him a special lunch or dinner. And since I just started cooking when we got married last April I’m still not much of a good cook. Sometimes my cooking would spell D-I-S-A-S-T-E-R but he still eats it without complaining, too careful that he might hurt my feelings if he’ll openly show his displeasure. He even tells me that I should stop feeling bad about it and that he bets that I’ll do better next time.

These and a thousand more little things that my husband does for me sets him apart from all other “romantic” men. He may not bring me flowers, chocolates and writes me letters; he might bring me my favorite gulay (vegetable) which happens to be saluyot, specially flavored tikoy roll and just buy a card instead of making one but his saying “I love you” to me every night just before we go to sleep, means so much more than all the treasures in the world. All his actions leading to only one thought, “he loves me” in his own simple way. He loves me without any pretensions or complexities. He loves me and he’s not afraid to be stripped off all naked about it everyday. That’s why can you blame me if I fall in love over and over and over again with my “unromantic” husband? I guess not.

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Reality Bites and It Bites Hard

By Tim on 23rd September, 2007 | Comments Off

Have you ever met someone and just knew right then and there that he’s the ONE? From the first time you ever laid eyes on him, heard him speak, watched him move, and saw him smile? You felt your heartbeat rate shoot up the ceiling and your heart was doing back flips, somersaults and even cartwheels? You did? Well, that’s exactly what I felt when I first saw him. He looked like he stepped out from the GQ magazine. His presence alone was intoxicating. You would never see him with unkempt hair, long and dirty finger nails, shirts that are not well ironed or neatly tucked. He’s so good looking and great smelling too. He’s got a deep-throated voice with a soft rumble. He speaks so eloquently and effectively as well. He’s intelligent and sensible. Can be funny and serious. When I got to know him, I also found out that he’s sensitive, respectful, tactful and courteous. He loves to cook especially for his mom and his youngest sister. He’s fond of kids. He gets goofy with them and tells them scary and funny stories. He’s a real gentleman; you would never hear him say any thing bad about anyone. He’s got a heart of gold especially for the unfortunate ones. So you would say, Wow, he really fits the bill! You are one lucky woman! I’d die just to be in your place! Hep, hep, hep, hold your horses ladies! Wait, until you hear me out. It’s true that he sounds like he’s almost perfect but (yes, there’s that big BUT)…he likes…MEN too! Yes, he’s gay, sward, faggot, and homo. Simply speaking in our lingo, he is BAKLA! Hah, there I’ve said it! Hey. Don’t get mad at me ladies, my apologies for beating around the bush and not telling you the whole truth immediately. You got disillusioned huh? Well, if you felt that way, what do you think did I feel when I finally mustered enough courage to tell him that I’m in love with him? It’s like I was suddenly poured down with ice-cold water with icicles piercing my heart! It was truly unforgettable in a painful way! So, I’ll let you in on the conversation that transpired that night.

It was truly a romantic evening. We were walking under that stars blanketing the welcoming sky, the moon was gleaming like a silver platter, the crickets were gaily serenading, and the trees were dancing with the fairies of the woods. Then we sat beside the lake glistening like thousands of diamonds. And there, I felt it. That inexplicable joy of just being with him, of having him so near. That with just a few words he could be mine or I could lose him forever. So, I said to myself. “Calm down girl, you can do this. All you have to do is say it and wait for his reaction or you could just turn tail and run now and suffer for the rest of your life for not telling him!” I was fidgeting the California travel guide that I bought with me when I’ve decided to tell him. I looked into his eyes, placed my hand on top of his and was so careful not to blink because I wanted him to take me seriously. I was hyper ventilating, I was mumbling like an idiot at first until I composed myself again and told him “Jake (not his real name), I think I’m in love with you, I mean I love you, I really do.” And everything fell silent, it was deafening. Then he slowly stood up, brushed the grass off his pants and said “Josh, you are great woman, smart, funny and all the good words molded into one but… (Then, I thought Uh-oh, there’s that dreaded BUT again!) But…I’m…gay, I’m sorry.” My mind went blank and I was repeating those words over and over again in my head. He’s what? He’s gay? What did he mean by that? Oh, I get it, this is a nightmare and I would get up any minute now and say “Whew, what a weird dream!” But it didn’t happen. It was real. I was really standing in front of him and hearing those words. I felt like my knees turned into jelly, I sat down rather abruptly and for the first time in my life, I was speechless. I wanted to say something, anything but no words came out. I wanted to tell him it’s all right but it’s not, I know things would never be the same again between us. And I was right. Because after that incident, he never spoke to me again. We drifted apart, lost contact and never saw each other until now. Sad, but true.

So my question is this “What if you already found the man of your dreams but he turned out to be a nightmare because he happens to be gay?” You wouldn’t know what to do, what to say, what to feel, what to think until you’re in the situation that I’ve gone through with. Life is really ironic because even if you already found you think is “THE ONE” that you want to spend the rest of your life with but if he is not “THE ONE FOR YOU” then you’ll still end up getting your heart broken. It’s true that we can’t choose whom to love and whom not to love but at least we could try to be more cautious. Be careful whom you fall in love with because what happened to me could definitely happen to you. So, I therefore conclude that great men are either taken already, six feet underground or GAY! Reality does bite and it bites hard!

 

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Thank You Wrong Ones

By Tim on 22nd September, 2007 | Comments Off

You might think that I have had so many relationships because of what I’m about to share with you. But the truth is I only fell in love once. Once, but he broke my heart into millions and millions of pieces. Made it hard for me to trust in love again. Afraid to give anyone the power to hurt me just like before. Until I met someone that I’ve grown to love too. Maybe not as intense as the love that I had for the first man in my life but just the same it was still love. You maybe are wondering why I’m speaking in past tense? Well, as you’ve guessed it, it didn’t work out also. I cried, got hurt, though not as painful as before but the bottom line is I still got bruised very badly. Okay, so you might say “Hey, cut to the chase, what is really your point huh?” My point is that I’ve failed twice maybe more than that if I’m going to include my puppy loves (Hey, it broke my then very young heart too, you know.) I got disappointed, frustrated and terribly scared. But you know what? I never stopped believing that one day I would meet the person that God created for me. That one day, I never have to say goodbye to love ever again. That our first conversation would begin with “How do you do?” and would end with “Can I spend my whole life with you?”

When everything fails, when your heart is starting to feel that it would never be mended again, the only beautiful thing that you could hold on to is not a cosmetic surgery but…HOPE. Hope that you just have to be patient and wait for your time to come. And if that happens, you would know that it was worth all the tears, pains, and all the hurt. Because you would learn that for every tear that you’ve shed, for every pain that you bore, for every hurt that you’ve endured, for all the times that your heart has been broken, and for all your dreams that were shattered, there were reasons behind it. We may not know what were those but we just have to believe that every little thing happens for a reason.

Pain builds character and I strongly believe that it’s completely in our hands whether we would let it make us or break us. I’m glad that sometimes we have to learn things the hardest possible way. That sometimes we have to meet all the wrong people for us and get hurt in the process. For we might not appreciate or even recognize the right people when they finally come into our lives if we haven’t met the wrong ones first. So should I say, thank you wrong ones? Yes, I think I should. Because if not for all of them, I will not be what I am right now, a stronger, wiser and better me. So for all of you broken-hearted people out there, hear my plea! Never stop wishing, dreaming and hoping for one day it would all come true. You just have to believe.

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My Wedding Vow

By Tim on 9th September, 2007 | Comments Off

When my family and friends learned that I’m getting married already, some would come up to me and ask “Are you sure about this?” “Are you certain that he’s the one?” And in a heartbeat I would reply, “I’m positive!” In fact, I already knew the answer to these questions even before we decided to tie the knot.

A few years back, I was hospitalized due to acute gastroenteritis. My husband, who’s my boyfriend then, would visit me every night. He would bring me things that would put a smile on my face. Since he knows my addiction to cats, he bought me a hello kitty pillow and it really made my day. But since I’m in so much pain also, I easily get irritated over little things. I remember that I would always try to pick a fight with him but he would just smile at me and say sweetly “Ang sungit sungit naman ng baby ko” (My baby is so moody). “May masakit ba syo?” (Are you in pain?). “Magpahinga ka na ha” (Take a rest, okay?). And he’ll give me a peck on the cheek right after saying that. I was feeling rather ugly lying in that hospital bed wearing a silly hospital gown. I had unkempt and oily hair, dry skin that I could practically write on it with my fingernails, cracked lips, puffy eyes and I was not getting any real baths at all. So you can just imagine how I would have looked like. I’m ugly that’s what I kept on saying to myself and I began to dread the night that he would come and visit me because I might turn him off with my unsightliness. But he made me feel otherwise. Even before I had the chance to speak my mind, he held my hand, squeezed it softly, he looked at me with love in his eyes and said “Ang ganda ganda pa rin talaga ng baby ko.” (My baby is still very beautiful.). And that’s when I knew in my heart that he’s the one that I can see myself growing old with. And that he’s the one that I would love to spend every wakeful and wake less moment of my life with. Here’s a guy who is caring enough to remember even the littlest things that would make me happy, here is a guy who is patient enough to bear with my mood swings. Here is a guy who is sensitive enough to see my insecurities and make me feel like I’m the most perfect and beautiful creature that God ever created. And right then and there it hit me, while I was looking at him intently that he’s the one. I might not have heard any bells ringing or music playing but I’ve heard my heart beating and telling me that from that day forward it would only beat for him and no one else. If people think that he’s lucky to have me, I’m telling you now that I’m luckier because he chose to love me.

“Baby, I won’t promise you that there would be no more fights between us because I’m certain that there will be a lot of it. But I know too that we’ll always end up kissing and making-up. I won’t promise you that there would be no mistakes because I’m not perfect and neither you are. But I’m sure that there will be lessons learned after every fault committed. I won’t promise you that there will be no more tears because one time or another we’ll be shedding one for our friends, colleagues, families and for each other. Actually, I won’t promise you anything. “But I will guarantee you that I will give all of me in being your wife and mother to our future children. I will give every thing that I have in understanding and accepting you as you are. I will give all my love in everything that I will do for you and our future family. I love you Ryan, my boyfriend, my best friend, my husband. Being with you is like making every single one of my dreams come true.”

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