My Bestsisfriend

What would you feel if a friend of yours for 12 long years tells you one day that she has to leave the country to follow her dreams? 12 long years of being together almost all the time. You graduated from the same university, worked in the same company and even have the same set of friends. You are so used to seeing her nearly everyday. You eat lunch together, sometimes go out to have dinner and once a month you never fail to celebrate your friendship by having a Best sis friend day. You’ll go shopping until you drop, exercise your palates by eating on restos that you haven’t gone to before, talk incessantly, do some pretty silly things, laugh a whole lot and just have a really fun all girls day out then talk about it some more on the phone when both of you are home already. And then one day this friend of yours has to say goodbye.

I never had a sister. I’m the only girl in a brood of six. I grew up having many male friends than female ones. I’m more comfortable with guys because I grow up in an environment where I did not have a single girl playmate. Female classmates yes of course but I only had men for friends. When I left the province and transferred here in Manila, I entered an all-girls catholic school. It was very traumatic for me because all girls were really mean to me. I don’t know why but they just don’t like me. Maybe because I was a little aloof when it comes to dealing with them. Just like what I’ve previously mentioned, I’m more of “one of the guys” type of girl. Then come high school, I’ve met different kinds of people. Some were really nice and some were having a really good time back stabbing me. It was awfully hard for me to find real girl friends back then. When I entered college, I was so prepared to build a wall around me so no one can really break into my shell. So no one can ever hurt me again. That’s when I met Peachy. Peachy was very popular both with men and women. When she walks into a room, she lights it up with her radiant smile and warm nature. She comes from an affluent family but never did she brag about it. She befriends everyone regardless of your social stature or your popularity. She’s very down to earth, smart and pretty too. She’s every girl’s dream girl friend and so much more. She’s very compassionate and cherishes her friends like treasures. But at first, I was too paranoid to even dare try to become her friend. I thought, she’s Ms. Personality and I am Ms. Nobody. Who would ever want to become friends with a nonentity like me?

But Peachy was different from all the other so called friends that I’ve met in my entire lifetime. She’s just too sincere with her friendship to be taken for granted. She’s just too fun to be with to be ignored. She’s just too loving to not love her back. She became the sister that I’ve never had. I finally understood why God did not give me a sister because He plans to give me the most precious and wonderful person for a best friend and that is Peachy. We call each other Bes, short for best friend. I made a promise to her that what ever happens and however long God wants us to be apart I’ll be the greatest fan of her life. I’ll be cheering, shouting, whistling and clapping for every dream that she’s able to reach. She’s got a lot of dreams and though my heart is breaking that she has to leave, I pray with all my might that God will grant her all the desires of her heart. Here’s an excerpt of my birthday and goodbye letter to her:

“I don’t want to say goodbye because I know that we’ll see each other again. Maybe sooner than we both think or maybe not. But one thing is for sure, we’ll be bestsisfriends always no matter how long we have to be apart. I just don’t know how I’d be able to get used to not having you around but I know somehow I’ll get by. This is really hard Bes, there are moments such as this that my mind still refuses to accept the truth that you are really leaving. I don’t want this to be any harder for you but I just can’t help it. I don’t even know how to finish this letter because in the first place I was always putting this off until this very moment. Because I know that when I begin to do so, reality will hit me, and truth will begin to eat at me that you are really leaving. And I’ll just end up crying my eyes out like what I’m doing right now. I know that no matter how we promise that nothing will change, a lot will. You’ll be so far away now and I don’t know how to deal with that. I’m so lost. That’s why I keep on pretending that you are not going until I saw your suitcases. Don’t get me wrong Bes, of course I would like you to reach your dreams and I’m so proud of you that you are taking a big step now to make your dreams into a reality. So don’t mind me because even if you see me crying outside, in my heart I’m truly happy for you. I guess what I’m really trying to say is that I’ll be missing you badly. That I might be tempted to text and call you everyday. I hope that I won’t be much of a nuisance to you when I begin to do that. I know that you’ll be very busy but I might miss you so much that’s why I’m warning you this early. Thank you Bes for everything. I need not enumerate it all because you know what those are already. You gave me a friendship that’s like no other. No one can ever replace you in my heart. Happy, Happy Birthday Bes. And though we won’t get to celebrate your next birthdays together anymore, I’ll be celebrating you everyday in my heart. I love you my bestsisfriend!”

From the Deepest Recesses of My Soul

I would like to share with you my fellow bloggies the letter that I wrote to my husband some few years back when he was still just my boyfriend. My friends requested me to post this again. So here it goes:

After all the pain, heartache, in short the emotional hell that I’ve gone through with my past relationship, I never really thought that I’d be capable of caring for someone again. Love was completely and absolutely out of the question. I told myself I’d never let anyone come too close or too near. I’d build a wall so high that no one would even dare try climbing it. I’ll have an icy exterior and anyone would really have a hard time breaking into it. I was really badly hurt and I became too scared to trust let alone love anyone. Because If I do, I might get hurt and what if it would be too much to bear this time; I’d never be the same again I know. So when I met you, I told myself that it’s okay If I’d be friendly yet distant, sweet but not too much, thoughtful and caring but not always. And if ever I would start to get too close, I’ll do something to put a gap so you would never figure me out. And hope that eventually, you’ll get tired and give up on me. But when I’ve known you, grown to really love you (flaws and all); I’ve realized that it would be a lot easier said that done. Especially, when you’ve given me beautiful reasons to love you. Every single day that we’ve been together has been so wonderful. You never cease to amaze me with your ways, your loving ways. You made me trust in love again. You gave hope a new meaning. It’s not just merely a word anymore but something that was put to life by your love. Thank you for making me believe in hope again and so much more. I was badly scarred. Simply put, I was a broken person when you found me. I was beginning to think that love means pain, suffering, agony and misery. I was starting to conclude that there’s nothing good about love. That it’s just plain ugly and that’s all it will ever be. Then you came and showed me the other side of it. The other side that I have long forgotten, the other face of love that I’ve hidden in the deepest recesses of my soul. I never knew unconditional love until you introduced me to it. I used to think that people would just love you as long as you remain good and beautiful. That they would want to be with you as long as you’re nice and pleasant. That they would stay with you as long as you are confident and strong. But you proved me wrong, you proved my theory wrong. For more than 3 years now, you’ve been loving me even if I’m being my sullen and morose self sometimes. You continue to love me even if I’m just completely impossible to comprehend at times. You still never fail to hold my hand even if I become weak and seems to give up on life most of the times. You showed me that I could still be loved even if I’m at my worst. No one has ever dared to show me that side of love but you. And that’s the reason why I thank God for you everyday, why I continue to fight every battle that come my way, why I carry on with my dreams and why I go on with life. For I know that no matter what happens or no matter what I would go through, you will be there for me. Cheering me on and supporting me in every step of the way. I know that you will always be my Rah! Rah! Boy. I just want you to know that you are the smile on my face, the joy in my laughter, the sun in my rain, the silver lining in my cloud, the star in my sky, the river in my dearth, the beat of my heart and the love of my life. You made all things new and beautiful again for me. I just can’t picture life without you in it. Whenever I feel sad, I just count my blessings and your coming into my life tops my list. I thank God everyday for you. I thank Him for being so kind that even if I have not done anything good, He still gave you to me. I thank Him that He gave my life a new meaning when He gave me the chance to be a part of you. This I swear to you is true…I will love you until I cease breathing. I love you for I know no other way…